Today I went in to sub in the elementary school I used to work at from 2009 - 2011. I left that job voluntarily after my position was cut due to the budget and moved to Portland, Oregon to be with my sister and figure life out.
Today I subbed for the woman I was partners with in the Theatre program. It was weird for me to be there - especially in that role - so close to what I had done when I worked there full time.
I was greeted by many of my former co-workers with smiles, hugs, and kind words.
But not all.
Some asked why It didn't work out... another said with pity that 'it must be so hard to be here subbing where you used to work'... one couldn't even look me in the eye as I asked a question.
The last incident bothered me all day.
I let her actions upset me when honestly.. it's HER issue. If she wants to be rude - thats on her.
So many times I find that I modify my thoughts and actions so as not to offend or upset others. I have to be perfect. I have to be the nice girl who does what she is told.
For some reason I have it in my head that everyone in that school must hate me for leaving them. Not to toot my own horn.. but I did a great job there and then walked away from it all.
I have no regrets for leaving when I did. It gave me much needed time to re-focus what it is I want out of life and start to finally figure myself out. Plus I got to spend time with my twin sister.
If people are actually upset with me for leaving (and who knows if they are.. that's just what I THINK)... they can be upset. That's their choice.
My choice now? When I sub in that building I will not give one more thought to if other teachers are happy or not if I'm there again. And I won't give one more thought to 'what they think of me'.
I'm there to teach
I'm staying in the present and doing what I love.
What others think or don't think - it doesn't matter.
I know who I am and what I'm all about.
That's all that matters.
Monday, February 11, 2013
Sunday, February 10, 2013
Let's be honest: Fat girls CAN do Yoga
I just spent the past hour and a half trying to find a yoga video to do online. Now, I have done yoga before so it's not like I'm a complete newbie at it.
I spent one glorious month in LA doing yoga daily for an hour as part of my singer training at OperaWorks in 2007. I remember the first day doing yoga. I fought Fought FOUGHT it all. I was still in the frame of mind that all this "spiritual, new-agey nonsense wasn't for me". I had also had a car accident a few years earlier in 2003 where I fractured my spine. I was scared to death of the Cobra pose in fear that I'd hurt my back again. I remember falling in love with the Warrior poses - It made me feel strong even though I felt weak in the training program. I was surrounded by amazing singers and felt like a weak link and did not feel I deserved to be there... but that's another story...
After a month of yoga, I felt lighter. I was flexible and centered and could also do a Cobra pose without fear. That month of yoga was amazing. I had full intentions to continue a practice but having to rush back home to a graduate recital and then a full time teaching job, that idea fell to the back burner. I didn't take the time for myself then, I didn't follow through on much and I certainly didn't buy in to spirit and self love then.
Fast forward to 2013... where I do care SO much more about myself, my body, and my spirit.
I still have those nagging thoughts though.
Today it was the 'You're too fat to do this' thought. I was searching for a beginner video - knowing it had been years since I did yoga... I wanted something easy to work in to. Video after video I'd stop after 10 or 15 minutes frustrated that I couldn't keep up or even do some of the poses being asked of me. I finally found a short video, 7 minutes of sun salutation, that finally worked for me. I watched the whole video first, then I did the whole video along with the instructor.
I completed a video.
I stopped listening to my thoughts and tuned in to breath.
I stopped hating my body.
I stopped judging myself.
Yes, I'm overweight ... but not for long. I've been making positive changes for the past month with doing Whole30 and eliminating sugar, processed foods, grain and dairy.
It changed my life. I lost 15 pounds in a month. I'm going to keep eating clean/paleo/whole30/whateveryouwantocallit because I know it's good for me.
I am also going to keep working on the movement part by getting in to a yoga routine.
I am Happy.
I am Loved.
I am Strong.
I AM going to kick the weight in my heart, mind and body to the curb.
I've already begun and I'm not going back.
Namaste
~Mel
I spent one glorious month in LA doing yoga daily for an hour as part of my singer training at OperaWorks in 2007. I remember the first day doing yoga. I fought Fought FOUGHT it all. I was still in the frame of mind that all this "spiritual, new-agey nonsense wasn't for me". I had also had a car accident a few years earlier in 2003 where I fractured my spine. I was scared to death of the Cobra pose in fear that I'd hurt my back again. I remember falling in love with the Warrior poses - It made me feel strong even though I felt weak in the training program. I was surrounded by amazing singers and felt like a weak link and did not feel I deserved to be there... but that's another story...
After a month of yoga, I felt lighter. I was flexible and centered and could also do a Cobra pose without fear. That month of yoga was amazing. I had full intentions to continue a practice but having to rush back home to a graduate recital and then a full time teaching job, that idea fell to the back burner. I didn't take the time for myself then, I didn't follow through on much and I certainly didn't buy in to spirit and self love then.
Fast forward to 2013... where I do care SO much more about myself, my body, and my spirit.
I still have those nagging thoughts though.
Today it was the 'You're too fat to do this' thought. I was searching for a beginner video - knowing it had been years since I did yoga... I wanted something easy to work in to. Video after video I'd stop after 10 or 15 minutes frustrated that I couldn't keep up or even do some of the poses being asked of me. I finally found a short video, 7 minutes of sun salutation, that finally worked for me. I watched the whole video first, then I did the whole video along with the instructor.
I completed a video.
I stopped listening to my thoughts and tuned in to breath.
I stopped hating my body.
I stopped judging myself.
Yes, I'm overweight ... but not for long. I've been making positive changes for the past month with doing Whole30 and eliminating sugar, processed foods, grain and dairy.
It changed my life. I lost 15 pounds in a month. I'm going to keep eating clean/paleo/whole30/whateveryouwantocallit because I know it's good for me.
I am also going to keep working on the movement part by getting in to a yoga routine.
I am Happy.
I am Loved.
I am Strong.
I AM going to kick the weight in my heart, mind and body to the curb.
I've already begun and I'm not going back.
Namaste
~Mel
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)