Today I went in to sub in the elementary school I used to work at from 2009 - 2011. I left that job voluntarily after my position was cut due to the budget and moved to Portland, Oregon to be with my sister and figure life out.
Today I subbed for the woman I was partners with in the Theatre program. It was weird for me to be there - especially in that role - so close to what I had done when I worked there full time.
I was greeted by many of my former co-workers with smiles, hugs, and kind words.
But not all.
Some asked why It didn't work out... another said with pity that 'it must be so hard to be here subbing where you used to work'... one couldn't even look me in the eye as I asked a question.
The last incident bothered me all day.
I let her actions upset me when honestly.. it's HER issue. If she wants to be rude - thats on her.
So many times I find that I modify my thoughts and actions so as not to offend or upset others. I have to be perfect. I have to be the nice girl who does what she is told.
For some reason I have it in my head that everyone in that school must hate me for leaving them. Not to toot my own horn.. but I did a great job there and then walked away from it all.
I have no regrets for leaving when I did. It gave me much needed time to re-focus what it is I want out of life and start to finally figure myself out. Plus I got to spend time with my twin sister.
If people are actually upset with me for leaving (and who knows if they are.. that's just what I THINK)... they can be upset. That's their choice.
My choice now? When I sub in that building I will not give one more thought to if other teachers are happy or not if I'm there again. And I won't give one more thought to 'what they think of me'.
I'm there to teach
I'm staying in the present and doing what I love.
What others think or don't think - it doesn't matter.
I know who I am and what I'm all about.
That's all that matters.
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